So I’m technically not a psychology major.
But I will be!
Or at least I would like to be.
Regardless, there’s this method of overcoming fears and anxieties and panic disorders that you’ll find in any psychology book. It’s called immersion. And it’s super complicated and hard to grasp, but I’ll try to explain it as best as I can. Basically, you’re scared of something. So you surround yourself with it until you’re not afraid anymore.
It’s actually about as simple as psychology gets. I practiced it the other day, actually. I hate bees and I’m convinced that a bee will be what puts a tombstone over my head one day. So I’ve always screamed and sprinted away whenever in the presence of a bee. When I was a little kid, I would want to go outside and play in my backyard and climb things and ride my scooter around and experience my adolescence. But I would step outside, see a bee two seconds later, then go right back inside and stare at a wall and wish I could be outside playing.
So fear’s kinda always held me back.
So there was this bee the other day while I was sitting on the side of the road eating a taco. And it freaked me out and I wanted to scream and throw things and go sit in the car so that I did not die. But my fear fleeted when I looked at the situation, beyond the bee and the taco. I was sitting in some grass in a town that I’ve spent months and months and months trying to move to. I left my home and followed my heart to a place I’ve seen about two times in my life just because I wanted to. And of course, I was reminded of the fears I allowed to fill my mind the week before going through with the move. The doubts and the second thoughts and the mindless worrying. It made me feel like that kid from ten years ago who wouldn’t go outside because she didn’t want to get stung. As much as I wanted to go, I didn’t want to have to deal with the adjustments and the pain. I didn’t want to risk getting stung.
But I don’t know. Jesus kinda just told me He was with me and that I was always home in Him. And I’d already put in my two weeks at work, so I guessed it was too late anyway. So I jumped. I ran against everything I’ve been allowing to control me ever since I can remember and I closed my eyes and hoped the bees wouldn’t get me. I jumped right in and decided then that I would take whatever came and not allow it to affect me.
So, in retrospect of the crazy, ridiculous, wonderful, glorious move I’d made just days beforehand, I figured immersion could work in every area of my life where I was experiencing fear. So I sat there and ate the taco and the dumb bees didn’t even bother me.
It was glorious.
So I’ve spent everyday doing things I’m afraid of, immersing myself in them. Because I figure that if I just keep pushing all of my limits, I’ll eventually run out of boundaries and will be able to do whatever crazy thing God puts in my heart next, in spite of whatever fears I may feel.
He’s taken care of me so far. Taken care of me in ways I don’t deserve, ways I never ever ever expected. Why would He up and leave after providing this much for me?
And it’s made me so incredibly happy. Because, to quote this random probably Pinterest inspired sign I saw today, “If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.”
That’s about as white girl as I can handle for today.
We’re done here.