So sometimes my father irritates me to no end.
He does this thing where he’ll ask for my help, but just give me one instruction at a time. He also gives me no idea at all what goal I am attempting to accomplish. This happens all the time, and it almost always results in me having a breakdown and making it abundantly clear that he needs to tell me what the goal is, and give me a timeline for what I will need to do after I complete each task. It affects the way I go about it if I know what it needs to look like in the end.
(Also sometimes when I’m driving he tells me to turn at the literal last second and that about makes me kill him.)
And sometimes my heavenly Father irritates me to no end.
He does this thing where He tells me to be obedient, but just gives me one instruction at a time. And I have no idea where I’m headed or why I’m doing what I’m doing or what purpose I’m serving by doing these things. Sure, I know He’s trying to shape me to be more like Him. But I don’t have any idea at all what that’s supposed to look like over the remaining portion of my life. He tells me to be responsible with what I have, like a good and faithful servant, so that He may bless me with more. But it’s just so difficult waiting and wondering and watching dreams die while trying to obey Him the best that I can with my limited vision. And it’s difficult obeying to my fullest capacity when I don’t know what purpose my obedience is serving.
It’s like I’m running, or I was running, and I fought through fatigue and opposition and discouragement and doubt to keep going where I’m going, and then all of a sudden I looked around and realized I had no idea where the path I was on was taking me, and I slowed down and eventually stopped and then looked to heaven and just stared and questioned.
And all He said was, “Just one step at a time, my love. Do what you can with what I’ve given you, obey regardless of your understanding of the situation, and I’ll lead you down the right path. I know what your heart craves and I know where you need to be. I made you with those desires. The steps you’re taking now are preparing you for where you’re headed. And I know you can’t see what you could possibly be accomplishing, but just trust Me. Just stay faithful. Just keep running with me, and your heart’s desires will meet you down the road.”
And so I still don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ve decided it’s best to take advantage of the present as much as possible. Because things will always be okay as long as He’s by my side.
“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)