Heart’s Desire

*2013 Repost*

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
John 14:13-14

The other day, I told Jesus that I needed answers. I’d been getting a lot of mixed signals about what God wanted, it seemed. So, while I was blow drying my hair, I said something to the effect of, “A’ight. I’m gonna go read the Bible. Affirm what you want and I’ll stick to it.”
I guess I could explain what the problem was. I’ve been struggling a lot with anxiety, anxiety about my salvation to be specific, for like, two years, and it’s caused massive amounts of physical side effects that now last 24/7. I can’t hashtagging breathe and I have constant headaches and junk like that. So, the problem was, I thought God had told me that He was gonna heal me, then I thought He was saying He wasn’t going to, and I kept praying and praying and things wouldn’t feel any better, but then He kept making promises. Hashtag confusion. I thought all this promise-making and inconsistency was for teenage boys.
He wasn’t being inconsistent. He was just working everything together for good.
To quote Josh Doyle, the problem was that my flesh is weak and crumbles at the first sign of defeat. To quote myself, my perspective is so limited that I can’t see past my setbacks. I mean, the other night, I literally yelled at God, saying, “I don’t freaking care what Your plan is. Whatever it is, it’s hurting me now. I don’t care if this suckishness now will make things better later. I’ve suffered enough. Just fix me. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.”
I’m a jerk to my God sometimes. I know what I want, and I know that it sometimes doesn’t match up with what God wants.
So, that night I was drawn to my Bible more than I could ever remember being drawn before and picked up in John 14, which read, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”
Well, there was my answer, I supposed. I would ask God to make me better in Jesus’ name, and He would have to, because Jesus said He would. So, I decided to ask Him right then to fix me up and make me better, and He would.
I opened my mouth, and the wrong words came out. Instead, I said, “God, work this together for Your good. Let Your will prevail in my life. Help me to trust You when You say this is a process, and that You’ve got me here for a reason. Help me be patient as You change me. Change my heart to match Your heart’s desires. Turn this into something beautiful, for Your glory. In Jesus’ name.”
What? That’s not what I wanted to say at all. But I said it.
When Jesus said to ask for anything in His name and that He would do it, He meant to ask according to God’s will. Like how Jesus prayed in Gethsemane. “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39) So, right then, when I started to pray, I believe the Holy Spirit was right there to help me pray the right things, like Romans 8:26 status, which says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” So, that’s probs about speaking in tongues and all that goodness, but you know. He’ll tell you the right things to pray in English, too, I’ve noticed. He does that a hashtagging lot.
So the point of this? We think we know what we want, but if we let Him, God will change our point of view to match His. Once our will matches His, He will give us all we ask for in Jesus’ name. Our heart’s desire will be ours for the taking, as long as it matches His. Oh, and that a lot involves patience, but you can have peace knowing that His promises always prove to be truth. Always, in His timing. Maybe things won’t work out how you want them to work out, but they will work out.
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